


Grassroots

by orchidbreezefc



Series: Plastic Promises [2]
Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: 5+1 Things, Alternate Universe - Bodyguard, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Beaches, Fluff, Humor, Other, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-09
Updated: 2019-08-09
Packaged: 2020-08-13 12:16:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20174113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orchidbreezefc/pseuds/orchidbreezefc
Summary: 5 times Pilot made Juno try some fancy Earth luxury, and 1 time Juno made Pilot try something low-class and Martian.Chapter 1: The beach!





	Grassroots

**Author's Note:**

> It me birthday.... as a gift to myself, I am making Jupereyra happen.
> 
> Thank you to all my friends who have been so supportive of my love for this ridiculous ship and this even more ridiculous concept. Especially Twyx and Wade for helping me brainstorm/letting me openly steal their ideas; Helen, Wendy, and Eli for being especially psyched for some reason; and Abby, who doesn't even go here but listened patiently anyway.
> 
> EDIT: Thank you so much to Helen who has made a GORGEOUS art for this fic!! Please commission her to get a beautiful piece of art like [link: [this](https://orchidbreezefc.tumblr.com/post/186997342390/quality-jupereyra-commish-for-orchidbreezefc)], also embedded in the fic itself, for only $15! She absolutely killed it and made my crackship dreams come true.

"Hold still."

Juno should know better by now than to obey when Pereyra says things like that. But then Pereyra's swiping some kind of cream over Juno's nose scar with a thumb, leaning in to follow him when he squawks indignantly and tries to pull away from them.

"The hell is that?"

"Sunscreen," Pereyra says, horrifyingly enough going back in for a palmful of ointment from the tube. "No rad shields on Earth. You need to wear this so you don't get radiation burns."

"...You're not serious."

Pereyra rolls their eyes. "Yeah, you got me. I'm smearing plain lotion all over you because I just care that much about your skin care routine. Now hold _still_."

"How the hell have people been living here longer than any other planet with _no rad shields_?" Juno cries, still trying to squirm away from Pereyra's hands.

"Search me. There's some science thing. Now take your shirt off."

Juno freezes, and Pereyra takes advantage of this to slather one of his arms. "_What_?"

"I mean, depends on what you want to wear, I guess. Hell if I care. I certainly wouldn't complain though."

"Do people on Earth _normally_ go around half-dressed in the baking sun?"

"They do at the beach."

"The beach," Juno repeats.

"Yep. It's the little sandy place at the edge of the ocean where it meets the land."

"I know what a beach is! The hell are we going there for?"

"Vacation," Pereyra enunciates, like they're being patient with a particularly dense child. Not that Pereyra is probably that patient with actual children. "It'll be fun. Come on, we're almost there."

The all-terrain transport vehicle deposits them in front of a bungalow on the island Pereyra has rented (or maybe owns, but Juno has trouble conceptualizing _that_ much money). Pereyra certainly does stroll in like they own the place either way. They gesture Juno to his room.

"Pick out a swimsuit, we'll work out the rest of your sunscreen situation after."

"A swimsuit," Juno echoes. "You think I know how to swim? I live on goddamn Mars. I've never even owned a bathtub."

"No time like the present to learn." At Juno's expression, Pereyra just laughs. "Learn to take a joke, buddy. You can just stand in the water up to your ankles and, I don't know, look for crabs and seashells."

"If I see a crab, I'm going to scream."

"The Earth ones aren't that bad, drama queen. Now go on." Pereyra shoos Juno into his room and disappears into their own.

Juno picks out some plain traditional swim trunks and deeply considers wearing a shirt so that Pereyra doesn't get any ideas about rubbing him down more than they already have. He decides to bring one along, but it's so hot already that he's not optimistic about being able to wear it.

Juno ends up waiting for over an hour for Pereyra to get ready, but he's been working for them for weeks and is used to that by now. When they arrive they're wearing a big hat, sunglasses, a stylish top with big tropical Earth flowers on it, adorable matching sandals, and an asymmetrical little skirt.

Juno resigns himself to always looking like the dowdy bodyguard next to almost literal fashion royalty.

Pereyra grins like they know exactly what he's thinking, though it's hard to tell with those sunglasses obscuring their gaze. "Come on," they say, pushing a basket into Juno's hands. "The summer sun awaits."

"I thought we were trying to avoid it?" Juno asks, hurrying along as Pereyra strides out of the bungalow.

"Trying to avoid being burned, yeah. I still want to lay around and get a nice tan." Pereyra tilts their face up toward the sun as they leave the grass and step onto the sand.

"What... but...."

"That's the fashion, Steel. Get toasted a bit, but not enough for it to hurt."

Juno stops for a step or two and gapes after them. "I'm never going to understand rich people," he mutters, and Pereyra laughs.

Pereyra sets up with a towel on the sand and a real paper magazine, as per their claim that one of the most important parts of vacation is to go fully off the grid--no comms. They seem perfectly content to laze there, pretending to read and soaking up the heat of the sun. They gesture Juno to try it with his own towel, and Juno does for a while.

It's actually pretty nice, and when he admits that aloud, Pereyra smiles wide. Even with the glasses, it's much more genuine than most of the expressions Juno ever sees on their face. Juno abruptly gets up and heads down to the edge of the water so that he doesn't have to think about it.

There are indeed a lot of seashells around here. It's not long before Juno becomes engrossed in the search for an unbroken one. He finds one that's a scallop shape (possibly an actual scallop?), one with a swirly sort of cone, a flat one, and one with iridescent rainbow on the inside. He brings his haul up to deposit it on his towel, and Pereyra looks up from their magazine and smiles that smile again.

"See? Told you. All real ocean creatures." When Juno frowns apprehensively at his collection, Pereyra laughs. "Dead now, obviously. It's fine, they won't be needing those anymore. Finder's keepers."

Juno bumps the side of their bared midriff with his foot, to a satisfyingly affronted cry. "Dammit, Steel, don't touch me with those gross sandy feet!" Juno grins despite himself and runs back to the edge of the water.

Pereyra's too lazy to chase him, of course, and ends up collapsing back onto their towel in a huff. Juno is safe to turn back and maybe make a sand sculpture or dig a really big hole and oh hell, that's a crab. Definitely a crab, with a creepy little fold-out face and too many legs and horrible little claws. Earth crabs are absolutely not any better than anywhere else's crabs just because they're smaller.

"Pereyra," Juno calls cautiously as it starts scuttling in his direction, backing him toward the water.

Pereyra props themself up on their elbows to look and immediately a grin covers their face. "Aw, look, buddy, it likes you."

"That's not funny, Pereyra, I'm pretty sure I'm, uh--it's g-got me cornered here and--"

"If that little guy bothers you so much, go in the water. I'm sure it's plenty warm."

"Really not appreciating the jokes here, Mx Mayor, if you could--" Juno's voice rises hysterically as water laps at his heel.

"Ooh, you know I love when you call me Mx--"

Juno steps back into the water at last and it washes up warm around his ankles before immediately retreating back into the ocean. He frowns to himself. "Oh. That wasn't so ba--"

The last thing he hears before getting entirely engulfed by a wave is Pereyra's raucous laughter.

Juno surfaces spluttering, coughing, and swearing as loud as he can, and Pereyra is still losing their absolute shit. Juno flips them off with both hands and then frantically claws a bunch of green planty stuff out of his mouth as he struggles to his feet. He pauses and licks his lips.

"Hey, Earth expert," he yells. "Is this shit edible?"

"Seaweed?" Pereyra isn't even pretending to read now, just watching Juno with blatant amusement. "Sure is. Delicacy in some places."

"Yeah, it's--it's not bad. Real salty."

"I'll get you some of the actual food kind," Pereyra says indulgently, then crooks their finger. "Better get out of there, Steel, another wave's coming and I am _so_ not going to save you."

If Juno's exit from the water is a little panicked, Pereyra doesn't comment on it beyond the knowing smirk.


End file.
